13 February 2010

Love makes the world go 'round.
   - anonymous

About love and intimacy with men.

I've been learning some lessons recently about this very thing from watching my son with his brand-new daughter. Shortly before she was born, he was agitated enough to ask me, "I've never been so happy in my life; before I was married, I was nowhere. What will happen if the baby comes, and she doesn't love me any more?" So here I was, facing his deepest fear directly. I was gentle with him, and explained that yes, the relationship with his wife would probably change because now there would be a baby to take care of, but if he'd welcome that change, it would provide them with the chance they'd end up with more love between them, not less. I said that love is additive, not subtractive, in nature and that as long as he trusted his darling's heart and listened to his own, they'd do just fine.

That was in September. His baby was born in mid-October. In early November I went to California to visit. I asked my son what he'd discovered about having a baby that surprised him. His answer was, "I think it's how protective and maternal I feel toward both of them." I watched his face every time he looked at his girls--the one he married and the one he made--and love was absolutely manifest in his expression toward both. I hope he never loses that feeling. I can see how love is going to shape his future--everything he desires and he's going to do with his life rests in the cocoon of what he feels right now toward his wife and child.

I believe that at the root of what fuels all the pain and suffering, the hunger, wars, and saber-shaking, is fear. Men who do not experience unconditional love in their lives or who lost unconditional love are always afraid that they'll be hurt or condemned as bad, so they act from the basis of their fears, to the detriment of everyone and everything around them. Worse, when women turn relationships with men into a quid pro quo, they demean themselves and devalue love entirely. That, in turn, reinforces the fear in men that something's going to be taken from them, and the whole cycle takes another dreadful downward spin.

Women have it in themselves to stop the vicious cycle. All that is really necessary to reshape the world is for women to move from the premise, "I will love you if..." to simply, "I love you." Intimacy is easy to achieve when it's not tainted by a desire for something one or the other has. It's always based on trust and lack of fear. Men must feel loved for who they are, rather than for what they can do, earn, own, or bestow. The sooner we understand and embrace that idea, the sooner things will change for the better. We can re-shape the world, one man at a time.

Power, money, and sex don't make the world go 'round, love does.

And in conclusion, I'd have to say that Shakespeare had it right and said it best when he wrote, "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite." (from Romeo and Juliet, Act I, Scene V).

Excuse me. I have to send out my St. Valentine's Day greetings to the people I love.


09 February 2010

“Be what you would seem to be--or, if you'd 
like it put more simply--never imagine yourself not to 
be otherwise than what it might appear to others that 
what you were or might have been was not otherwise 
than what you had been would have appeared to them 
to be otherwise.”
   - Lewis Carroll

I occasionally look at the visitor statistics for this website. I know that there are many people who reach my pages because they're trying to figure out what "Curiosita" means. It's not South Park Cartman-speak for "curiosity," even though the correct pronunciation sounds an awful lot like Cartman's demands for "authoritah." I've borrowed my tiitle from the Italian word curiosità, derived from the Latin word curiositas, which loosely translates into English as having the attribute of inquisitiveness, snoopiness, nosiness, or a condition of being intensely curious. Since this word is in current usage, a good many Italian addresses show up in my statistics. What surprises me, though, is how after finding my site many come back for another look, thus embodying the very attribute about which they sought information in the first place. There aren't many more details than the IP address, the referring page, the duration of the visit, and which website pages are accessed, so nobody has to worry about privacy while reading. You can remain completely anonymous and access all the postings any time you want. But only a few readers have ever commented on anything they've read here, and I wonder now what stops them? Comments and feedback are always welcome. If you agree with what I've written, let me know. If you disagree, well, try to be civil and offer a dissenting opinion.

I received a newsletter this week that's really made an impression on me. In it, there is a haunting question. I paraphrase slightly, but the writer asked, "How does my work environment, my creative space, support my aspirations?" That single question made me take a serious, hard look at my work environment. I came to the conclusion that it is much better suited at present to completely kill any creative impulse that might rise in me than to cultivate it. I went right to work at correcting the situation and the space. I've sifted through piles of paper that should have been filed or flung long ago, filled bags and boxes with things I never use so I can sell or give them away, cleared my desktop, put my toys and gizmos into their proper drawers and containers, and refilled the shelves with the books I'd stacked all around on every flat surface within reach.

It feels better already, as if the energy can again circulate unblocked by all the false starts, failed finishes, and muddled-up memories. I've been working at this about an hour each day for the past three, and the results are far greater than I would have dreamed possible. The place looks better, I feel better about it, and I can actually sit at a desk and write without worrying about the unfiled papers and unpaid bills as I'm working.

If you're feeling blocked, you might give trick this a go. The full newsletter, written by writer and master weaver Paula Chaffee Scardamalia, contains other valuable tools and resources for creative types, and is available for free if you sign up at the Divining the Muse website. Go there. Sign up.

You'll never be sorry you did.

Excuse me. My work space beckons, and I'm curious about what I might find at the bottom of the last few piles.